I already knew this

Temps are permanent.
And I’m actually, slowly moving my way out of sadness and despair about it. I realize that my future work life, probably for the next few years, is going to be that of a vagabond. I’ve been contracting now for about two years, always having my feelers out there for that great permanent job. So far this tactic has only caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. Interviews are stressful…I have to find a time to do the five person required interview while I’m working that contract job too. And I don’t want to piss off the contract job…they can dump me on the spot and never use me again. Or maybe the contract job is considering hiring me permanently and I could ruin my chances by being out for an afternoon on an “appointment.” Blast it. These are the things that literally keep me up at 3am.

I just finished another round of interviews with a well-known company for what would be a very good job. I haven’t heard back yet. One interviewer even told me that I was her pick and she wanted me on board asap. I can’t get my hopes up, although I have. But now I must change my sights and pretend that these interviews didn’t even happen. It’s a survival tactic, really. So I won’t be too disappointed.

I have this contract maybe for another two weeks. And then I do have a freelance job that I just landed. Not enough to pay the bills but it could end up being a very good long-term relationship. Then, this company that I’m contracting with now wants me back at the end of January to cover for someone who will be out. So I have the next month or so covered. This is long-term career planning in 2011!

To look on the bright side, this is the perfect situation in which to practice buddhist style detachment. I do have a great fear of uncertainty (you can imagine what these two years have been like!) and in the past I’ve hunkered down in situations that weren’t ideal or even particularly good for me just because they were safe and certain. In hindsight I would’ve been better of in a footloose and fancy free mode in many things, both personal and careerwise. I can only move forward so I’ll have to practice detachment for the future. And live in the moment. If I’m enjoying a job. I have it. Right now. Maybe not tomorrow but right now. If I don’t have a job, enjoy the time off and make the most of it. Right now, not tomorrow, but right now.

There are some good things about contracting/freelancing…(to be continued…)


One thought on “I already knew this

  1. Good luck…I hope things work out well for you.

    I have finally found my peace with the uncertainty of work. I like the flexibility I get with my new career path of contracting! I think it makes me feel less stuck – especially when it isn’t a great situation. After being laid off a couple times in the last 10+ years, I’ve come to realize that even as a permanent employee, you are viewed as very easy to dismiss. Employment isn’t what it used to be, but then maybe my view has just changed. I choose to work to live and not live to work as is the norm here in the US.

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